DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

From Casey's Daily Dispatch:

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.

Bill said, “I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?”

Larry replied, “I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?”

***

“Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court judge said, “and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.”

“That's very fair, Your Honor,” the husband said. “And every now and then, I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.”

***

An old woman goes to the wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse she has been living with for the last 40 years.

The wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”

The old woman says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

***

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

***

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?”

The agent replies, “Just a minute.”

“Thank you,” the blonde says and hangs up.

***