Economics, the dismal science

Fidelity's former manager Peter Lynch:

"There are 60,000 economists in the U.S., many of them employed full-time trying to forecast recessions and interest rates, and if they could do it successfully twice in a row, they'd be millionaires by now ... As far as I know, most of them are still gainfully employed, which ought to tell us something."

Matters of Principle

In 1952, Noah S. “Soggy” Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey. Here’s how he answered:

If you mean whiskey, the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being.

However, if by whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the elixir of life, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life’s great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it.

This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle.

This poem was nominated by UN as the best poem of 2008, Written by an African Kid

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you grey

And you calling me colored????? !!

Game Theory Joke

From Mind Your Decisions via Simoleon Sense

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl”.

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation”.

“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Capelli?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Piriano?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”

“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration.

“You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Four months vacation and five good leads.”

On the Imprecision of Words & Language

"In all languages, words can have more than one meaning, so reading involves making choices. When the context of the original composition is very different from the reader's context -- long ago or far away, or both -- the choices made may steer the text away from the author's intent. In one episode of The Twilight Zone, earthlings discovered only too late that the Holy Book brought by extraterrestrial visitors, titled To Serve Man, was not, as initially assumed, a philanthropic manifesto; it was a cookbook." - The Evolution Of God P. 191

Obama Speech to Students

From 'Mobs, Messiahs and Markets'

"When you are born, you are full of life. It is all ahead of you: years of energy and excitement. But you use them up; you trade them off for experience, wisdom, money.

Little by little, day by day, year by year, your life gets used up, until you are all experience, all wisdom, all memories, and no life left. That is when your life is behind you ... and nothing is left in front.

We are, as Sophocles put it, nothing but a 'deathward going tribe,' after all." -- P.386

"...you have to be suspicious of what people say to you, even when they call them facts. More importantly, you have to be suspicious of what you say to yourself!

... the older we get, the less we know about anything; the more facts, opinions, and ideas we collect, the less sure we are of any of them.

Besides, we get more and more experience with facts that turn out not to be so."
-- P.384

"... in the modern western world, arranged marriages have given way to deranged ones.

People are expected to fall in love with each other-- that is, they are expected to take leave of their senses, and while in this addled state, they are not only allowed, but encouraged, to sign a contract that is meant to last a lifetime.

It is no wonder that half of them end up anting out of the deal. What is amazing is that the other half stick with it." -- P. 24

Lightening Interrupts Outdoor Sex

From www.metro.co.uk

A lightning quick sex session in a bush during a storm ended in a flash when a bolt of lightning struck the ground nearby making the earth move for the lovemaking couple.

Jens Gottlieb, 36 and his 28-year-old girlfriend Lisa Gruhn had pulled into a parking space on the busy A44 motorway in the state of North-Rhine Westphalia, western Germany, and after kissing and cuddling decided to get out of the car and head into the nearby bushes to make love.

Because the nearby service station near the town of Werl was relatively busy they went a short distance into the wooded area and hid themselves in a bush where they stripped naked.

They were so carried away that they didn't stop even when thunder and lightning started to rip through the air - until a bolt of lightning struck the ground nearby.

The terrified pair ran out of the bush naked and fled in a torrential downpour that followed the lightning strike.

They lost their way and were spotted blundering around in the dark by another motorist in a parking space who called police.

Officers who arrived a short while later managed to find the naked and shivering pair and help them into dry clothes and took them home.

Wealthy pensioners kidnap and torture financial advisor who lost millions

From the Sydney Morning Herald

A group of wealthy pensioners has been accused of kidnapping and torturing a financial adviser who lost about $4 million of their savings.

The pensioners, nicknamed the "Geritol Gang" by German police after an arthritis drug, face up to 15 years in jail if found guilty of subjecting German-American James Amburn to the alleged four-day ordeal.

Two of them are said to have hit him with a Zimmer frame outside his home in Speyer, western Germany, before he was bound with duct tape, bundled into the boot of an Audi A8 and driven 300 miles (483 kilometres) to a home on the shores of a popular holiday lake in Bavaria.

During his alleged confinement in an unheated cellar, Mr Amburn, 56, claims he was burned with cigarettes, beaten, had two ribs broken, was hit with a chair leg and chained up "like an animal".

The incident began on Tuesday last week as he made his way home after enjoying a drink at an outdoor cafe with a friend.

Mr Amburn, the head of an investment firm called Digitalglobalnet, was allegedly attacked by two men aged 74 and 60 as he entered his apartment building.

"I had no reason to be afraid," he said. "But as I went into my home I was jumped from the rear and struck."

He was left bleeding from his eyes, nose and mouth, he said.

"Then they bound me with masking tape until I looked like a mummy. It took them quite a while because they ran out of breath.

"When they loaded me into the car I thought I was a dead man."

After being driven through the night he arrived at the home of one of his captors and his 79-year-old wife, in Chieming on the shores of Lake Chiemsee.

As he was bundled into the cellar, another couple, retired doctors aged 63 and 66, arrived to join in the alleged torture and humiliation.

"I was led into the cellar," recalled Mr Amburn, who also has a home in Florida.

"I saw a folding bed and a WC reserved for me. They immediately went on about their money. I told them what I had told them before, that due to market conditions, unfortunately it was gone.

"I was struck. Again and again they threatened to kill me. The fear of death was indescribable."

He then told them that he could pay them back if he sold some securities in Switzerland and they agreed to let him send a fax to a bank there.

He scribbled a plea for help on the bottom of the paper.

"It was disguised as a policy," he said. "I wrote 'call. po-lice' and they didn't notice it."

Not knowing whether his message would work, he attempted to escape when he was allowed out of the cellar on Friday for a cigarette break.

He ran down the street pursued by his captors in the Audi, and was seen by several people.

But one of the pensioners shouted "He's a burglar!". Passers-by held him and he was dragged back to the cellar.

In the meantime, an employee at the Swiss bank spotted the message and telephoned police in Germany.

Armed commandos stormed the house in the early hours of Saturday morning. Forty police, accompanied by a doctor in the light of the captors' infirmities, found Mr Amburn in his underwear.

Volker Ziegler, chief public prosecutor in nearby Traunstein, said the pensioners were angry because they had invested money in properties in Florida and had lost it all.

"This was black money; they hadn't declared it to the revenue authorities in Germany," he said.

The pensioners face charges of illegal hostage taking, torture and grievous bodily harm.

London Telegraph

Deaths that made even top doctors wonder

This case happened in a hospital's Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and all on Sunday mornings at 11a.m,regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM. So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.

So on the next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........

Just then the clock struck 11...

and then......

Bedilu Chala, the part-time Sunday sweeper from Ethiopia, entered the ward and Unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner!!!!!!!!!!

Are men really this easy to manipulate?

From the book Nudge, Page 3:

"... the power of small details comes from focusing the attention of users in a particular direction. A wonderful example of this principle comes from, of all places, the men's rooms at Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam. There the authorities have etched the image of a black housefly into each urinal. It seems that men usually do not pay much attention to where they aim, which can create a bit of a mess, but if they see a target, attention and therefore accuracy are much increased. According to the man who came up with the idea, it works wonders. 'It improves the aim,' says Aad Kieboom. 'If a man sees a fly, he aims at it.' Kieboom, an economist, directs Schiphol's building expansion. His staff conducted fly-in-urinal trials and found that etchings reduce spillage by 80 percent."

The 401-Keg Plan

From the 4/10/2009 Daily Pfennig

“If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.

“If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

“If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

“But… If you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.

“Based on the above statements, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It’s called the 401-Keg Plan.”

HAHAHAHAHHAHAH

Filling the Soaring Demand for Black Friends :-)

Black Friend Finder
Now that Obama is President, everybody wants a black friend.

Video at FunnyOrDie.com

We're right, We're right - We are all right!

From memo to Oaktree Clients

"My mother used to tell a story about the shtetls – villages – in the old country where disagreements were settled by the rabbi.

In one, an argument was raging with no possible grounds for compromise. The villagers brought the two parties to the rabbi. “Tell your side,” the rabbi said to one fellow, and he did.

“You’re right,” the rabbi declared.

One of the bystanders piped up: “You can’t tell him he’s right, rabbi; you haven’t heard the other side of the story.”

So the rabbi told the other party to tell his side, and he did. His story was the polar opposite of the other party’s.

“You’re right,” said the rabbi.

“Hold on, rabbi,” a villager said, “the first guy told his story and you said he was right. Then the other guy told his story – different in every regard – and you said he was right. They both can’t be right.”

“And you’re right,” said the rabbi.

The current disagreement over bank nationalization shows that (a) there can be valid arguments on both sides of an issue and (b) it can be hard to figure out who’s right."

Richard Pryor: The 1st Black President

Click to Play Video

BBC on McCain

'As the Republican pollster Frank Luntz put it in an interview recently (less charitably than me): "Stevie Wonder reads the teleprompter better than John McCain." - BBC News

Green in America?

"The nature of the North American political reality is that everybody wants to drive a car and everybody wants their neighbor to conserve." -- Rick Rule

Obama Bio from theOnion.com

Key Senate Achievement:
Being elected to Senate after Iraq War already started

Favorite Way To Mollify Supporters:
Nodding solemnly while gripping podium

Political Experience:
(2005–) Junior Senator from Illinois. Working directly under Senior Senator Richard Durbin himself, duties included fact-checking and copyediting the 2006 highway appropriations amendment bill. Member, Illinois State Senate (1997-2004)

Odds Of Pop-Locking During Inauguration:
1 in 12

Personal Best For Getting Digits:
32 seconds

Difficulty Catching A Cab:
Moderate

Issues:
Pro-hopes, also supports dreams

People Who Have Influenced Him Most:
Handsome devil who greets him in the mirror every morning

link

On the Typical Investor (Including Moi)

“The typical investor in public markets has no idea what he is doing.

Putting his money into a stock or a mutual fund brings him a temporary happiness. He sees himself as Kirk Kerkorian making a bid for General Motors or Warren Buffet shrewdly moving on an insurance company.

‘I bought Google,’ he tells his wife. His chest expands. He feels a crown of authority on his head and imagines his most private part growing.

For he has mastered the most sacred and all-powerful rite of our time; with a single gesture he has joined the Knights Templar, the Freemasons, and the local country club.

He is in. He is with it. He gets it. He is one with all the other swells who make up this wondrous modern economy. He has gone to Wall Street like Sir Galahad to Camelot.

He does not realize the misery awaiting him.

Only later, much later, does he discover that he is not a hero, but just a chump--- an insignificant speck of dust on Wall Street’s white shoes.”

-- Empire of Debt P. 309